tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
