I'm eating all of the evidence.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
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