Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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