if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
this hospital has no fireball
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
