In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
