youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
