well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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