Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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