woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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