So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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