i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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