i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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