i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
