the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
