I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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