Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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