i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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