i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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