yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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