Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
