my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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