brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't deserve a penis
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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