This girl is more easily done than said...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
