the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
