cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
