He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
