put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
