What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
