for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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