Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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