he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
After tacos, we're chasing women.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
