my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
