Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
