yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
