Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
