Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize