Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
