I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
