I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
