dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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