Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
