I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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