Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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