Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
