Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Randomize