the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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