Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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