party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize