You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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