we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
