I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
