You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
