fuck your aforementioned shoe
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
