awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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