you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
you are never too drunk for berry picking
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
