For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
