You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
