how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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