I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
