You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
