I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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