Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
