Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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