dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
