Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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