well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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