I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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