I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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