When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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